What is the meaning of this exercise

I have been wrangling with the last post for over an hour. Every time I re-publish it, I realize that there is something else I want to change. But there actually isn't anything I want to change. That is just the way that I trick myself into opening the edit page because what I really want to do is add a picture. I want to add a picture of the Cramer and I want there to be a caption that says "Do not let your eyes fool you. This is not a ship. It is a Roman vomitorium in the 4th circle of Hell." Actually, that's more bitter than I'd want it to be, if I could make a caption. Maybe instead it would be, "Dear Cramer, my heart is the wind that billows in your sails." But then moms in Oprah's book club might smell that sentence from across the internet and become the first and only people to read my blog.

Anyway, no such caption will be written because the upload picture thing isn't working. So I convince myself that there is something else I want to change because I am ashamed to admit, even to myself, that what I really want to do is sit and and optimistically click the upload picture button over and over again. On some level, I actually am content to watch my mouse-arrow repeatedly turn into a running dinosaur which symbolizes that my computer is thinking, and then turn back into an arrow and pretend like nothing ever happened. In fact, I am probably going to try it a couple more times before I publish this.

Yup, just did it. The dino and then the arrow. And still I feel that if I try it just one more time, it might work.

To think that I still wonder why my English paper isn't any good. It's clearly because I think that working on my paper means having it open in the window behind this one. Sometimes I even convince myself that working on my paper means converting the whole thing to HTML so that I can make revisions using my small knowledge of blog code. Actually, one thing I'm not ashamed to admit is that I am more fulfilled by my infantile tinkerings with computer language than by trying to produce something that I can be proud of for the culminating project of my college career.

I'm not even a procrastinator. I love homework. I like homework more than I like making sure that my friends still like me. Maybe that's why the only option I have for procrastination is playing with a blog instead of playing with people.

Maybe I can't work on the paper because I don't like it. Or because I don't know what I'm talking about. Or, because Gillian Johns told me that I don't know what I'm talking about. But can't I just fake it?

No, I can't fake it.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
But isn't that what my paper is about? That there are some major unanswered questions about how people react to politically charged fiction? So is it really my responsibility to answer those questions, or can I just get credit for being the first person to ask them?

Brrrrrilloooooooo pads